Rambles from World's End

Today, 10 October 2023, the Mauritian and I celebrate 25 years of marriage. We have talked, argued, agreed and disagreed, we have cajoled, convinced, pleaded and ignored, and we have laughed, screamed, yelled and cried our way through those 25 years. Together! Looking back over that time we have managed to create so many memories. We don’t seem to remember the same memories the same way, but, we managed to create a lot of them! We have disagreed about so much more then we have agreed about. We have very different views on parenthood, but our girls are polite, respectful and well balanced. I hope! We like different music, movies and people. Okay, okay, I like a lot fewer people than the Mauritian does. The Mauritian likes being surrounded by people and socialising, I like my own company best. We have very different attitudes about, well, everything. The Mauritian loves to cook, the kitchen and I barely tolerate one another. The Mauritian resets himself in the gym, ...

Last night as the final rays of daylight left World’s End and settled brightly over the heart of the world, you breathed your last and slipped into eternity. Four children felt a pillar of their lives crumple and a wife feels hollow. I wish I could wail and scream at the sky, purge these surging, consuming emotions that are beating against my heart with just one blood curdling soul wrenching scream and be done with it all. I want to be angry and sad and miserable, but I can’t be it doesn’t work like that, nothing is ever quite so simple. Through this haze of tears and with this heavy heart I feel only gratitude. I do not believe you deserved the suffering you endured, yet I am so grateful that to the end you were alert and dignified. I wish we all had more time, just one more phone call or SKYPE. But I am so grateful that the end came quickly.   I am grateful for the bond we share, one that neither distance nor death could sever. My children won’t get the chance to learn from...

My dearest Life Long Friend In a few days you will be heading back home for good, I have such mixed feelings about it! Silly really after all it’s not my life. I am juggling happiness, sadness, apprehension and anticipation all at the same time. We have never been "in your pocket" friends but I'm going to miss you. The SKYPEs and random thirty minutes phone calls for no reason what so ever, just having someone close that knows exactly how we feel as we make our way through the process of settling.   In some ways I disagree with your decision to return home, but I also know that you never really left, not emotionally anyway. You have been out of your comfort zone, felt alien and unsupported and were never able to settle. Immigration has to be the hardest thing for anyone to do, I know what you have been through and I am sorry I could not provide the extra support you needed. Africa it seems was willing to release only one of us, she still has your soul, it i...

In a run of generosity my eyes only opened at half past five this morning instead of half past three, an extra two hours sleep really fills the energy bar up. Usually I'll use the quiet of the early morning hours to write or read but this morning as the sun was up I thought I'd get up and use the time to do my chores and a few secret things before the girls began to stir. I got off to a good start, hung out the washing emptied the dishwasher, sorted the rubbish bags and recycling for collection, made the Mauritian's breakfast and switch on the kettle for coffee. Then it all turned to custard! With the rising of the offspring came the carnage! It was a silent attack at first, both trying to fit onto one beanbag to sit and look at the newly acquired fishes in a tank. With the growing rivalry came the whining which prompted mediation, separation and breakfast. Apparently it is not wise for the mediator to have a shower at these fragile times, on emerging clean and refreshed...