BURNT BRIDGES
Uprooting ones family and moving to a different country teaches one so many things. We have, in the short time we have been living here at the end of the world, learnt so much about ourselves and each other. Moving to the end of the world has highlighted for us what is truly important and though we regret a little that which we took for granted, we know that had we not made this move that which we deem important now would not be if we had not change our circumstances willingly.
For the first time in our lives both the Mauritian and I made a conscious decision to sever the ties of friendship we made with a couple for the wrong reasons. It was a decision we agonised over as both the Mauritian and I are very loyal to those whom we call friends. It is both a blessing and a curse as we have, through the years, allowed ourselves to be used in the name of friendship. We have spent many recent winter nights huddled under a mountain of blankets and duvets reminiscing about the people we have encountered throughout our numerous years as a couple. In the course of these many shivering discussions we realised who our true friends were, we realised there are some people we should have spent more time with and those we should never have meet. We do not however regret meeting anyone, it has made us stronger, wiser and perhaps a little richer for the experience we have gained from befriending those we should not have.
When you look at the people you have called friends from a distance and analyse the time you have spent with those people it becomes clear which of those people have given back as much as they have taken. It becomes clear to you which of these friends you need to give a little more to and those who have taken too much from you. It becomes clear to you those who enrich your life and make you feel special and those whose “friendship” takes work and energy from you leaving you feeling empty because you receive nothing back in return.
It is never easy to admit that the friends you have made are perhaps not the right people for you and even harder to sever the ties that bind you together. Ideally one should sit down with these people and explain rationally and calmly why the ties of friendship must be undone. After all, no matter what your view is on the situation you are perhaps not blameless for the state in which the so called friendship is in. It is easier to block all forms of communication and ignore their calls and text until it is unavoidable, because by then you have decided exactly what it is you are going to say, yet you hope that you never have to say it. Ashamedly this is how we have handled our decision to no longer be friends with this couple. We do know that we owe them an explanation and that our silence is confusing to them, we know that eventually we will have to explain ourselves. We do know that it is within our power to be the exception to the norm and be open and honest. We have admitted this to each other but we have agreed that the consequence of this honesty would leave us open to the kind of manipulation this couple is capable of. Granted, it is up to us to allow the manipulation to occur or not but we have chosen to avoid the responsibility completely. We have decided to take the easy way out and just stop talking to them.
We are after all, only human!
For the first time in our lives both the Mauritian and I made a conscious decision to sever the ties of friendship we made with a couple for the wrong reasons. It was a decision we agonised over as both the Mauritian and I are very loyal to those whom we call friends. It is both a blessing and a curse as we have, through the years, allowed ourselves to be used in the name of friendship. We have spent many recent winter nights huddled under a mountain of blankets and duvets reminiscing about the people we have encountered throughout our numerous years as a couple. In the course of these many shivering discussions we realised who our true friends were, we realised there are some people we should have spent more time with and those we should never have meet. We do not however regret meeting anyone, it has made us stronger, wiser and perhaps a little richer for the experience we have gained from befriending those we should not have.
When you look at the people you have called friends from a distance and analyse the time you have spent with those people it becomes clear which of those people have given back as much as they have taken. It becomes clear to you which of these friends you need to give a little more to and those who have taken too much from you. It becomes clear to you those who enrich your life and make you feel special and those whose “friendship” takes work and energy from you leaving you feeling empty because you receive nothing back in return.
It is never easy to admit that the friends you have made are perhaps not the right people for you and even harder to sever the ties that bind you together. Ideally one should sit down with these people and explain rationally and calmly why the ties of friendship must be undone. After all, no matter what your view is on the situation you are perhaps not blameless for the state in which the so called friendship is in. It is easier to block all forms of communication and ignore their calls and text until it is unavoidable, because by then you have decided exactly what it is you are going to say, yet you hope that you never have to say it. Ashamedly this is how we have handled our decision to no longer be friends with this couple. We do know that we owe them an explanation and that our silence is confusing to them, we know that eventually we will have to explain ourselves. We do know that it is within our power to be the exception to the norm and be open and honest. We have admitted this to each other but we have agreed that the consequence of this honesty would leave us open to the kind of manipulation this couple is capable of. Granted, it is up to us to allow the manipulation to occur or not but we have chosen to avoid the responsibility completely. We have decided to take the easy way out and just stop talking to them.
We are after all, only human!
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