Hang on While I Change Feet
So it’s Thursday afternoon and despite the howling wind and low grey clouds I took the girls out for a walk to the “Wind Wand” to banish the cabin fever that was causing havoc. We ended up sitting at a Cafe’ sipping on a milkshake and a coffee while the littlest sucked on some formula. Behind us was seated a couple who had obviously had a bad day. The guy, openly gay and obviously comfortable with his sexuality was bitching about someone who had offended him in some way. The lady, whose name I assume was “Delta” was very sympathetic and making all the right noises.
It was extremely uncomfortable! The Butterfly was fascinated by this very flamboyant man sitting behind me gestating wildly in fury, stopping now and then to sip on his “low fat vanilla latte hold the foam.”
It’s very difficult to distract a four year old or not listen when someone is not being discreet or trying to maintain some kind of privacy in a public place. So I drank as quickly as a hot cup of coffee allowed me and tried to hurry the Butterfly along as well, she of course was having none of that, this man in pink was far too fascinating!
Then to add to the discomfit, what I assume was the object of this man’s fury walked into the coffee shop and began to lambaste the couple. By this time I was so uncomfortable I told the Butterfly we were leaving and I’d get her another milkshake somewhere else. So there I was packing up and preparing to leave when the lady whose name I assume was “Delta” piped up in a surprisingly male sounding voice and addressed the new comer with: “Oh for fuck sake Jacob please mince off and go chew on someone else’s high heels!” That was the straw that broke the camel’s back; I could no longer pretend not to hear because I burst into loud spontaneous laughter. I had to sit down because I now couldn’t stop laughing, these three people had been so caught up in themselves they had forgotten anyone else was around. My laughing brought them sharply back to reality and the shock on their faces at this sudden intrusion brought fresh peals of laughter from me. Both my daughters were looking at me with strange expressions on their faces which didn’t help stem the tide. Now I’m laughing because I am making a complete spectacle of myself and I can do nothing to stop laughing let alone take a breath.
Eventually I was able to pull myself towards myself enough to look at “Delta” who was really “David” and say: “That has to be the most original way of telling someone to piss of and die I have ever heard, I am so going to use that!” With that the seated couple began to laugh while the other gentleman left in a fury which sparked a fresh burst of laughter from me while my daughters looked on completely oblivious to what had just transpired.
The Butterfly did eventually finish her milkshake, I did eventually gain control of my senses and we left in an orderly and dignified fashion. But, needless to say, I shall not be returning to that coffee shop again.
It was extremely uncomfortable! The Butterfly was fascinated by this very flamboyant man sitting behind me gestating wildly in fury, stopping now and then to sip on his “low fat vanilla latte hold the foam.”
It’s very difficult to distract a four year old or not listen when someone is not being discreet or trying to maintain some kind of privacy in a public place. So I drank as quickly as a hot cup of coffee allowed me and tried to hurry the Butterfly along as well, she of course was having none of that, this man in pink was far too fascinating!
Then to add to the discomfit, what I assume was the object of this man’s fury walked into the coffee shop and began to lambaste the couple. By this time I was so uncomfortable I told the Butterfly we were leaving and I’d get her another milkshake somewhere else. So there I was packing up and preparing to leave when the lady whose name I assume was “Delta” piped up in a surprisingly male sounding voice and addressed the new comer with: “Oh for fuck sake Jacob please mince off and go chew on someone else’s high heels!” That was the straw that broke the camel’s back; I could no longer pretend not to hear because I burst into loud spontaneous laughter. I had to sit down because I now couldn’t stop laughing, these three people had been so caught up in themselves they had forgotten anyone else was around. My laughing brought them sharply back to reality and the shock on their faces at this sudden intrusion brought fresh peals of laughter from me. Both my daughters were looking at me with strange expressions on their faces which didn’t help stem the tide. Now I’m laughing because I am making a complete spectacle of myself and I can do nothing to stop laughing let alone take a breath.
Eventually I was able to pull myself towards myself enough to look at “Delta” who was really “David” and say: “That has to be the most original way of telling someone to piss of and die I have ever heard, I am so going to use that!” With that the seated couple began to laugh while the other gentleman left in a fury which sparked a fresh burst of laughter from me while my daughters looked on completely oblivious to what had just transpired.
The Butterfly did eventually finish her milkshake, I did eventually gain control of my senses and we left in an orderly and dignified fashion. But, needless to say, I shall not be returning to that coffee shop again.
Comments
Post a Comment