Making a Difference

I took my time to be kind to a stranger some months back and today that kindness was rewarded.

It was a few weeks after Christmas that the Lollipop and I took a stroll down to the supermarket for supplies. The Lollipop as always sat quietly in her pram happily looking at the world go by and smiling at anyone who paid her attention. So it was not out of the ordinary when an elderly lady bends down to talk to her while I was scouring the shelves for whatever it was. However when I turned back this poor lady was still talking to Lollipop with tears rolling unabated down her cheeks. I’m not good with strangers and if I cannot avoid it I try very hard to make my get away as quickly and as politely as possible and here was an elderly lady crying I didn’t know how I was going to get out of this one. I realised this was not the time for a polite “have a nice day” and smile as I walked away so I thank the powers that be that I had tissues in my bag and handed one to her without saying a word.

She took the tissue from me and smiling through her tears apologised to which I reply with the generic “no worries,” which made me feel a little heartless so I tack on an “are you okay?” I wanted to shoot myself once I had said that because now I’m thinking I’m in for a life story, how wrong I was. What this stranger told me was that every time she sees a baby she cries because she is reminded of her only daughter who had been struggling for eight years to fall pregnant. She went on to tell me briefly about her daughters struggle and the toll it was having on her and the family emotionally. She said it was made worse because her sons all had children of their own and her daughter now could not bear to be around her nieces and nephews. My heart went out to this mother whose heart was aching for her daughter because she couldn’t do anything to help her. I knew I would have to say something eventually and I was trying desperately to find the right words to say in the right order at the right time. It’s not something I do well without a pen and paper to help but I knew whatever I said I had to get it right.

I tried to remember how Pierre and I felt when we were trying to fall pregnant the first time. We made the conscious decision to keep it to ourselves because we wanted the freedom to change our minds without outside pressure. That sounds harsh I know but after trying for almost six years with numerous visits to doctors we did decide that we would accept our fate and stop trying. Not having to explain our decision to other people made it a lot easier. I am sure we would have eventually told our story but as it turned out we didn’t have to because not long after we stopped trying the Butterfly began her existence. I knew that advising this mother that her daughter should try relax would be something they have heard a million times before, empty advise really but what else do you say in a situation like this. How do you tell a woman to relax when every day she is taking her temperature tracking her menstrual cycle and trying g to predict ovulation? You can’t because they won’t! So now this poor stranger has finally dried her eyes, pulled herself together and finished explaining her tears and it’s my turn to say something profound and encouraging. So I could a deep breath and silently prayed: “Lord, cover my mouth if the wrong words appear!” and said: “Perhaps it’s time she stopped trying so hard.” Yes I know you’re all thinking I changed feet at that moment, but I went on to say that I had some idea of what she was going through and that it was when we decided to leave it up to fate that things finally fell in to place. Sometimes you have to just let yourself off the hook and realise that things will happen when they are meant to. Something as life changing and as fulfilling as parenthood will only happen when God, destiny or the fates allow it to be so, it is at that moment that you are truly ready.

Then the Lollipop let out a squeal of protest and presented me with the opportunity to make my get away. The stranger smiled at the Lollipop and then at me she thanked me for listening and being so nice to her. I smiled at her and replied that I hoped her day improved and the Lollipop and I moved on with our shopping and our lives. Though I thought about her now and then during the course of the day I soon forgot all about our encounter in the supermarket.

Today, the Lollipop and I were once again shopping for supplies and we again saw the crying stranger. She smiled brightly at me and bent happily to talk to Lollipop this time without a tear after which she called out to someone further down the shopping isle. Smiling she introduced me to her daughter who had found out today she was finally pregnant. So I said all the right things and wished her luck and as we were parting ways this stranger’s daughter said to me: “You were right you know, I let myself off the hook and fate did the rest!”